Stop Ghosting. Start Leading.
With Halloween around the corner, it feels timely to talk about ghosts- of a different kind. We all know what ghosting is. Chances are good that you’ve experienced being ghosted. Perhaps you have been the ghoster on occasion.
In the dating context, think abrupt radio silence after what seemed like a promising start. There were sparks! There was chemistry! What happened? (Been there!)
But ghosting isn’t limited to the personal realm. Sadly, it is alive and well in professional life, too. And when it happens in leadership, it’s not just rude; it’s corrosive.
Ghosting in a professional context happens when someone drops communication without warning or follow-up. Maybe the intention isn’t malicious. It probably isn’t. But here’s the truth: Leadership is measured not by our intentions but by our impact. In leadership, silence is rarely neutral. Most ghosting at work isn’t intending to cause harm, but rather is a product of avoidance, overload, or discomfort. However, those reasons don’t eliminate the impact, which is usually some combination of disconnection, distrust, and erosion of morale. Understanding why we ghost can help ghosters to change their behavior and ghostees to have perspective and compassion.
The Boss Who Disappears
Picture this: An employee sends their manager a thoughtful proposal, asks for feedback on a project, or requests a meeting to discuss their development. Maybe that employee has finally mustered the courage to self-advocate for a long-overdue compensation adjustment. Maybe there is a short back- and- forth indicating some level of engagement by the boss. And then… nothing. Days turn into weeks. Silence.
The intention might be innocent. Maybe the boss is busy, the message slipped through the cracks, or they’re unsure how to respond. Innocuous and forgivable, right? But the impact is something else entirely. In all likelihood, the employee in any of these scenarios feels ignored and undervalued and is less likely to bring forward ideas in the future. Over time, that silence chips away at engagement and trust. In the extreme case, the employee may become resentful and seek alternative employment opportunities.
Good leaders implicitly understand that responsiveness is a form of respect and that even a short reply signals that the person on the other end matters. And yet, ghosting shows up in many organizational cultures marked by high professionalism and integrity. How come?
Why it happens: Often it’s not cruelty but avoidance. The leader doesn’t know what to say, fears disappointing the other person, or feels too stretched to respond thoughtfully.
What to do instead: Communicate, even when it’s hard. A quick message like, “I’ve seen your note and will respond by Friday” keeps trust intact and pays immense dividends. And if the answer is disappointing, say it clearly and kindly in person or at least over the phone. While it is certainly difficult for many leaders to do this, a disappointing response is far better than silence.
Clarity is kindness. Silence is confusion. Leadership often requires leaning into rather than avoiding challenges, and this scenario is no exception.
The Sales Conversation That Fizzles
Ghosting in sales is spookily common, and it can be a two-way street. Maybe you’ve pitched a prospective client, had an encouraging first call, even received clear enthusiasm about your product or service, and then… crickets. Or perhaps *you* as the seller are the one who dropped the ball after initial interest, unsure how to navigate next steps, or to handle concerns, objections, or a “no.”
In either case, silence here isn’t just poor etiquette. It is missed opportunity. The person left hanging might question your integrity or professionalism. Perhaps initial interest in a transaction or longer-term engagement of some kind turns into irreparable disdain or distrust. Or, If you’re the one being ghosted, you may weaponsize the experience against yourself, internalizing that silence in ways that stall your momentum.
The bottom line is this behavior is short-sighted, immature, unprofessional, and entirely avoidable. A sales conversation need not carry this much sustained negative energy. In our fast-paced world, where there are so many competing demands, who has time for this nonsense?
Why it happens: Leaders often avoid closing the loop when they feel awkward about saying no, fear disappointing someone, or aren’t sure how to navigate objections. Avoidance feels easier and more comfortable than clarity.
What to do instead: Communicate, even when the answer is “no.” A short, gracious decline or a clear “not now” preserves integrity, keeps doors open, and signals respect for everyone’s time.
Good leaders communicate even when the answer is “no.” A respectful decline builds more goodwill than a disappearing act ever will, and it also leaves the door open for future collaboration. A brave and clear “no thank you” or “not now” beats ghosting every single time. And both bravery and clarity are important leadership qualities.
The Vanishing Act in Networking
Networking and mentorship also hinge on trust. When someone reaches out for a connection, guidance, or follow-up after an encouraging conversation and gets no response, the silence lands hard. It can feel personal, even though it probably isn’t.
Again, the intention might be benign. Maybe you meant to reply and forgot. Maybe you felt awkward about saying you couldn’t help. But the impact is the same: The person on the other side is likely left feeling dismissed or invisible. Maybe your generosity has limits, and while you were willing to have that initial call or email exchange, the follow up is too much of an interruption or inconvenience, so you actively choose to ignore it. To you, this means very little, and you get to move on with your day unbothered. To the other party, the experience is likely a lot more disheartening and carries more weight.
Why it happens: Most professionals ghost here not out of malice, but because they feel guilty declining a request or believe ignoring it will cause less harm. It’s an emotional shortcut, and it doesn’t work.
What to do instead: Response with kindness and boundaries. A simple “I’m not able to take this on now, but I wish you success” offers closure, honors your capacity, and builds your reputation for empathy, kindness, and clarity.
Leaders understand that every touchpoint is a chance to build (or erode) trust.
Intention vs. Impact: The Leadership Gap
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Ghosting is often less about disregard and more about avoidance. We don’t want to disappoint someone. We don’t have the perfect words. We’re overwhelmed and overcommitted.
But leadership does not demand perfection. Rather, leadership is about ownership and accountability. It’s about taking responsibility for our actions and inactions, for our words and our silence. It’s about realizing that we are influential and how we choose to show up for others has an impact on them. Our intentions might be harmless, but intention is not our legacy; our impact is what matters. Silence leaves a void, and people will fill that void with their own (probably disempowering) stories: “I’m not valued. I’m not good enough. They don’t care.” These stories lead to disconnection and chip away at our humanity. That’s the real damage ghosting does. It fractures relationships, erodes trust, and diminishes morale quietly, but powerfully, and in extreme cases, irreparably.
Silence may ensure comfort, but it thwarts connection.
Leadership Means Showing Up
Being a good leader doesn’t mean always having the right answer. (Sometimes it can actually mean a humble admission of “I don’t know”). But it does mean engaging, even when it’s imperfect, uncomfortable, or inconvenient to do so*. It means closing the loop, even when that looks like “I can’t help” or “not right now” or “you may not like what I have to say” or “I need some more time but will get back to you shortly, and if I don’t, feel free to follow up.”
One way to make this engagement a habit is to create a daily “response ritual.” Take ten minutes each day to close open loops. Reply to that email you’ve been avoiding, send that follow up on a proposal you owe, craft the “thank you” you’ve meant to write. Micro-moments of communication build macro-levels of trust.
Leadership presence begins with responsiveness.
Good leaders don’t vanish. They don’t hide behind silence and call it busyness or diplomacy. They understand that even a two-line reply can carry more weight than a hundred unspoken intentions.
Because ghosting isn’t neutral. It is a message that says, “You’re not worth my time,” whether you mean it that way or not. And that message corrodes trust faster than almost anything else.
So here’s the challenge: The next time you feel the urge to disappear, don’t. Instead:
- Pause.
- Embody empathy.
- Ask yourself what’s behind your urge to ghost.
- Reflect about the potential impacts of your silence.
- Choose to show up and respond, even if you’re late, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable, and even if all you can muster is “I see you, and I’ll follow up.”
That moment of humanity might be the difference between connection and disconnection, loyalty and resignation, trust and skepticism.
Leaders leave a legacy not through grand gestures but through small, consistent acts of presence.
Ghosts disappear. Leaders don’t.
* Note that engagement is not required in every circumstance. First, true “ghosting” happens in the midst of a pre-existing relationship or conversation. So, a non-response to a stranger who messages on LinkedIn without a referral and with zero context is not ghosting. Second, there may be instances of overly aggressive or insistent outreach, even in the midst of a dialogue, that warrant silence. To clarify, not all silence is ghosting. When used to uphold boundaries or prevent harm, non-responsiveness can be more consistent with leadership than engagement.
